Being a work at home mom is hard and often a great solution seems to present itself in the form of having your spouse stay home and watch the kids. In theory, a wonderful plan. My husband and I made this move just under a year ago . . . he detested his job as a teacher and had wanted to quit for years. He`s a musician by night, so it seemed like the ideal solution when I started to earn enough money, he quit his job and came home to be with the kids.

In the past ten months or so, we have gone through all sorts of issues that we NEVER foresaw as being problems when Irving first came home. There are definite advantages . . . our boys are growing up with both parents around all the time, which is great, my husband can focus more on his music career, etc. but there are some things that couples should definitely consider before making this decision.

1. Decide if you can handle being the working parent. The temptation to just laze around when you don`t have to work is huge and it`s pretty frustrating to see your husband watching football while you have to work. It`s a good idea to figure out how you`ll handle this, because like it or not, there will be plenty of times when he has nothing better to do and you are up against deadlines.
2. How will the chores be divided? This is a huge thing that needs to be settled before your husband comes home. If he thinks the only thing he needs to do is watch the kids and you are expecting him to vacuum and do dishes there will be conflict.
3. Talk about your strategies. When he`s not around, you can do your own thing, but it`s a good idea to explain that you motivate yourself by playing 10 minutes of Diner Dash after writing five articles or he`ll be resentful that you are “playing” while he has the short end of the stick.
4. What will he do to stay occupied? Most guys aren`t meant to just stay in the house all the time. I`m lucky in that Irving is a total homebody and as long as he gets out to Antigua once or twice a week, he`s good. But not everyone is like that. It`s important to have him do what he enjoys, such as poker nights out or studying nights. Maybe he`ll even start his own business!
5. The big money issue. This one is huge for many couples. If he`s not working, you are responsible for bringing home the bacon. That`s a stressful position to be in and men are accustomed to being the provider, so it can be stressful on both sides. Figure out how you`ll be dealing with the spending issues. This is one area that could make it impossible for him to quit his job.
6. Does he hate his job? Even if you feel it would be nice to have him home, your husband will be miserable if he really did like his job. If this is the case, look for other options in childcare.
7. Can you get along 24/7? Think about weekends and vacations. What are the little things that bug you about your husband and vice versa? Maybe it`s the way he chews while talking, or he might take issue with how you leave the dishes until noon. These problems won`t go away and they`ll turn into huge issues when both of you are home all day long!
8. Do you have private space? Even married couples need time alone. My house is just under 200 square feet and there is NO room to be alone. It causes a lot of stress at times, so it`s a good idea to have a personal space that you can retreat to, even when not working, just to gather your thoughts.
9. Figure out the discipline thing. If you are the only person at home during the day, chances are you are the one who decides and metes out punishment for bad behavior. When there are two of you, though, it`s important to be in agreement on everything to do with discipline . . . kids learn to play their parents very quickly!
10. Can you learn to let go? Having your husband doing chores around the house and caring for the children can be frustrating because, guaranteed, he won`t do things the way you do them. And if you are going to make this situation work, you`ll have to get over that! Just because he washes dishes with the water running instead of filling up the sink or folds your shirts in a weird way doesn`t mean you should take over the job. And nagging will only make it worse . . . so, can you let it go? If not, you might need to hold off on his homecoming.

Having your husband at home can be great. It can also be very distracting and almost make you wish you were a single mom some days! Think about it carefully and maybe even do a trial run of a week or two just to be sure you can both handle it.

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